I spent my birthday week in San Francisco visiting friends and generally having an amazing time. Seriously, I've never had a longer streak of continuous fun (thanks everyone who made that happen!). I was going to write a post dedicated to the food I ate on the trip, because, well, holy crap it was gastronomically glorious. But I realized that there was something more significant to write about. That food post may still come though, because, again, glorious.

One of my best friends recently moved to the Bay Area as a result of an acquisition by the ubiquitous fruit company. His move was a large part of the reason for my recent visit. While staying with him both he and his wife (!!) mentioned that it is super bizarre that they now live in California. They live in a constant state of WTF?!?!

Upon returning home, in a state of jet-lagged clarity, I realized that their situation has a correspondence to my own. They thought they knew what their life would be and then it was upended and now everything is strange. For me, I found someone to love, worked through a typical set of relationship issues and then got married. Outrageously, my wife Kim then developed cancer and died just before our two-year anniversary. Ever since I've been living in a constant state of disruption. Or, more accurately, WTF?!?! Honestly, that is the most accurate description of my emotional state just over two years after my life was irrevocably altered.

Seriously, how does what happened to me happen? Obviously it was a statistical possibility but my mind still boggles. Not just at the loss of my wife, but the fact that I managed to develop a mature enough relationship to reach the state of marriage at all. I still don't really consider myself to be an adult.

I'm not sure that this clarity (or maybe it's just a slight reduction in the fog) around my current situation provides me with any next steps but it seems somehow significant.